Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
