I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
