her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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