you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
