You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
