Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
