So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
COCAINE IS GR8
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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