I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
