after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize