My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
