my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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