Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
