I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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