Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
