and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
