Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
