he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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