The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
