I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
