A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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