sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
