So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
