that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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