I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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