Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize