Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
that's an acceptable place to lick
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
