Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
