when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
