Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
