I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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