I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
