I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
