he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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