is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He felt like a one man threesome
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
