I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
