so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
