you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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