is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
