I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
