But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
