watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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