call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize