I feel great
I just peed on a car
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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