WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
