I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
