So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
