I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize