I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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