3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she was so not down for the gang bang
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
