I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
