I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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