do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
