I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
