he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
