We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
