I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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