I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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