help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
