No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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