I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
