what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
