People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
