I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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