can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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