Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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