What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize