i was born a porn star she said
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
