Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
