I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
