yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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