I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
