i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
