Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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