dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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