I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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