Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
