Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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