I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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