I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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