It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
