once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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