It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
