Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
