HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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