Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
