her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had sex on a roof
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
