billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
